For Caleb

[takecourage]

Now that Darlington is in town (not in a pocket universe where she can't get to him, essentially lost to her), Alex finds herself more invested in making her apartment feel like home. She's never had this kind of disposable income and, after buying herself t-shirts and sweaters and underwear and jeans, a really good pair of boots and a good jacket, she turns her attention to nesting. Ground Zero had been a shithole, but this was her place, and she was going to do it right.

She hadn't wanted to subject Darlington to shopping, so she'd sent Caleb a text and arranged to meet him so that they could go browse together. Alex is dressed in a sweater that's too big for her (she hadn't been able to resist it in the store; it had been so soft), her leather jacket, the voluminous scarf that Darlington bought her for Christmas, soft navy wool studded with tiny silver stars.

Comments

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb smiles when he sees her, and pulls his earbuds out of his ears to pocket them instead. The bus ride from Candlewood to the store had been a lot more bearable with a playlist that reminded him of Adam blasting in his ears.

"Hey," he calls, so he doesn't startle her. "Sorry, the bus got delayed at one of the stops."

[takecourage]

Alex smiles too, lifting her hand to wave, swaddled in her too long sleeve. She thinks of herself as someone who's difficult to know, has always thought like that, but that doesn't mean she doesn't crave friends too. And there's something about Caleb that she really likes.

"Hey," she says. "Ready to shop?"

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"As I'll ever be," he answers. "I've gotta get some things, too, and I got paid yesterday, so it really works out for me, too."

[takecourage]

"Where are you working?" she asks, glancing over at him as they start to walk. They're heading for Darrow's equivalent of Ikea. God help her. "I had an...audition the other day. I think it's going to be okay."

Not that she's telling Darlington.

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"I work part time at this auto shop that my friend runs," he answers. "He's helping me get a car put together so I can drive places, instead of taking the bus. Um, audition?"

[takecourage]

"Probably better if it's one of those what you can't know won't hurt you deals," says Alex, shooting him a look. She doesn't want him to think less of her, and a guilty sliver of her thinks he probably will if he finds out that she's willing to strip to make money because it's the easiest money to be had.

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

He frowns a little. "Wait, why do you feel guilty?" he asks. He can't think of a job that would be shameful in Darrow, and he can't imagine someone wanting a job that would make them feel shame, anyway. So why does she?

[takecourage]

"Oh, shit," says Alex, huffing out a laugh. "I forgotten about that shit." She pushes her hair back from her face. "Stripping."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

That has Caleb tripping over absolutely nothing, and he blushes to his hairline. "Oh, um. Oh. Is... is that what you want to do?"

[takecourage]

"I don't mind doing it, and it's really good money, and at least I'm doing it on my own terms, so..." She shrugs. "Sure. It's much better than fucking waitressing, anyway." She studies his blushing face. "Do you, like, think less of me now?"

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb hadn't thought about it that way: that maybe someone could endure, or even enjoy, stripping, as long as it was on their terms and they made decent money doing it. Then she asks her question, and he frowns.

"What? No. Why would I?"

[takecourage]

"Because you seem like a nice boy, and I am definitely one hundred percent the kind of girl your mom would not approve of you hanging out with," she says, her eyebrows firmly raised. "Not least because I am totally willing to be paid to take my clothes off for cash."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

That earns a little bit of an eye-roll. "I'm not a boy," he mumbles. "I'm gonna be eighteen in, like, five months." He doesn't know much about Alex, beyond some pretty important things, but she's probably right. If his parents met Alex and talked to her for longer than ten minutes, they probably wouldn't want Caleb spending time with her.

But so far, she's been nice, and her feelings aren't gross, or bad, and who cares if she takes her clothes off for money?

[takecourage]

"You're a boy, kid," says Alex, but she does nudge him with her shoulder, smiling at him when she says it. "At least I know you're not going to accidentally end up in the audience, so...it's all good."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb rolls his eyes again and he gently nudges her back. "I don't think I'd be there, anyway," he says. "I can only imagine the sorts of feelings the, what, customers, there have." He shudders a little, imagining a bunch of Henrys hovering near the stage, or whatever, with their slimy, smug feelings.

[takecourage]

"Probably best if I don't think about that too hard, honestly," she says. "I can cope with them being pervs if I don't interrogate it too much." She shrugs. "Won't be the worst thing I've ever done."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Fuck, good point," he says. "Sorry." He looks around as they walk, trying to remember what he'd wanted to grab for his place. Anything he buys, he wants to make sure it's easily transferable in May, after he's eighteen and doesn't have to mooch off of Michael anymore.

[takecourage]

"It's okay," she says, walking in silence beside him for a moment. "So, a friend of mine turned up. It's been...a while since I saw him. It's..." Something flutters in her core, and she winces, knowing that Caleb will pick up on it. "It's really good."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb looks over at her, just in time to see the wince, and decides not to remark on the butterflies he feels from her. Maybe later.

"From your home?" he asks, and he feels another jump in his belly that's entirely his own. If she got someone, and Michael and Alex have each other, then maybe Adam...

[takecourage]

"Daniel Arlington. Darlington." She smiles when she says his name. "He was... Kind of my boss, back home. And he went away for a while, but... He's back now."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb lifts a fake potted succulent off of one of the endcaps they're near, and he looks at it instead of watching her. He doesn't want her to see any disappointment in his eyes and mistake it for something different. He's happy for her, he really is, and he's pretty sure it's not just her feeling happy about this Darlington guy. (God, what a name.)

"But, you like him as more than a boss," he notes, pinching the rubbery plastic leaf of the succulent between one finger.

[takecourage]

Alex frowns at that, picking up a weird looking soft toy sloth.

"He's...yeah, I guess he's a friend now too. We did Christmas together."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb sets the succulent back down. He feels the jump in his belly that's actually hers, and he wonders how much she actually realizes about her own feelings.

"You liked that," he says. "Spending time with him like that?"

[takecourage]

"Yeah, actually," says Alex, thinking about anything but how relieved she'd been to see him because she doesn't want Caleb to pick up on her guilt. "I cooked. Mostly stuff my grandma used to make for Hanukkah but whatever. We did gifts."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb can feel there's more there, but he can also feel the strange, poking sensation of her trying (and failing) to hide something from him. Guilt. She felt... guilty? He frowns a little, watching her.

"Why don't you want me to feel that?" he asks. He tries to keep his voice somewhat gentle, but his confusion sets it to a slight edge.