(no subject)

[takecourage]

Nearly at the end of her second trimester, Alex finally concedes that they need to do some preparing for the increasingly imminent arrival. They've picked out a bedroom to turn into the nursery and Alex has spent days staring at various swatches on the wall until she'd finally settled on a dove grey colour for the walls. It's neutral, she figures, more palatable than the pastels that the girl in the DIY store had recommended. Even if she decides that she hates it, there's not a lot she can do about it, with all of the natives in Darrow gone like they were never even there.

"How long does it take you to change into things you don't mind getting paint on, Arlington?" she calls down the hall.

Comments

[takecourage]

"I was texting Kav about this when he messaged to ask if we were okay for food and shit out here," she says. "I figure, it's got to be like most other weird shit, right? A month and then everything will, you know...snap back into place."

[more_magic]

"I'm glad we had only just bought groceries before all of this," Darlington says, though he'd appreciated Kav's offer of help as much as Alex had. They still don't like each other, not as much as he thinks Alex would prefer, but they're both trying. He considers the rest, nodding as he sweeps the roller through the paint in the tray.

"That would put us at mid-July," he says. "Longer than I think people would like, but...not forever."

[takecourage]

"Yeah, I told him we were pretty well stocked, but I'd get in touch with him if we ran low on anything," says Alex, looking up at him. "I figure we've weathered worse than this here before." Her jaw tightens when she remembers last October. "We can do this."

[more_magic]

"Worse here and at home," he says, catching the turn of her head out of the corner of his eye and looking over at her. The expression on her face sends more than a twinge of guilt through him, as much for October and Rosenfeld and everything they've been through together and apart as for what he and Pal have only just started discussing. "Depending on your view of the Bonesmen and their quarterly divination nights, that is."

The smile he offers her is a little forced around the edges, and he turns his focus back to the wall after a moment.

[takecourage]

Alex rolls her eyes and makes a soft gagging sound, before she goes back to painting. "Fucking Bonesmen," she said. "Give me a Manuscript party any day." She glances up at him and flashes a smirk. "Especially if we're going together."

[more_magic]

"Ha, ha," he says, cutting his eyes at her, unable to keep a smile from quirking at the corner of his mouth when she smirks like that. "Walk through that goddamn fog machine of theirs and see how much you like it, Stern."

He huffs a sigh, knowing he's stalling, avoiding the conversation he needs to have. Knowing, after what they've already been through, what Alex's opinion is going to be. This situation feels different than the ones before, though, less perilous and fraught, less likely to end in some kind of disaster. It's a chance he might never have again, and one he wants to take. He won't forgive himself if he doesn't.

"Pal and I have been talking," he says, keeping up a steady back-and-forth with the roller, letting the paint cover the wall in easy strokes. "With the city effectively abandoned, this could be a chance to find out more about Darrow itself."

[takecourage]

"I did walk through it," she points out, leaning in a little closer to the wall. "They just weren't pissed off with me." She looks up at him, raising both eyebrows. "Right..."

She draws it out into a long syllable, her dark eyes narrowing suspiciously.

[more_magic]

He'd anticipated that shift in tone, Alex's abrupt and immediate suspicion, but he still winces a bit as he hears it in her voice. "I've told you before about the Darrow History exhibit at work," he says, keeping his focus on the wall. "How there's always something that means it's closed, or shut down, or...any number of things. Remodeling the exhibit cases. Burst pipes, electrical problems. Hell, one day I was told someone rented it for a wedding reception."

He can feel the narrow, suspicious gaze of Alex's eyes at the corner of his vision, and he sighs. "No one I know has ever been inside that exhibit hall. Ever. And with everyone gone...it seems like an opportunity to get through those doors."

[takecourage]

"Do you not remember what happened," says Alex, dropping the brush she's holding into the tray with a wet sound. "The last time you fucked around with things that didn't concern you?" Her jaw tightens at the memory of him slipping under the surface of the crucible.

[more_magic]

"I remember, Alex," he says, rolling one last stripe of paint onto the wall before he turns to face her. The look on her face is a reminder too, sharp and painfully well-deserved; he knows what she's thinking of, and for a moment he remembers the stinging cold against the cuts on his side and his throat, eddies of pink swirling as his blood mingled with the milk. "But I acted alone that time. With this, I've asked Pal for help. Camilla too, because where one of them goes, so does the other."

His brows draw together, a frown at the corner of his mouth. "And I think figuring this place out, getting some answers to the mystery for once, concerns us all. We deserve to know what Darrow is, or was, and how it's keeping us here."

[takecourage]

"Okay," says Alex, still cross legged on the floor, her hands unconsciously coming to rest on her bump as she looks up at him. "I get it. We're breaking that promise you made me. Again. Cool. Just so I know what page I'm on."

[more_magic]

"For God's sake, don't play the martyr," he says testily, his jaw tightening as her hands splay over the curve of her belly. Even if it's unconscious, it's a low blow. "I promised I'd tell you beforehand. Which I am. I promised I wouldn't take the Bullet unless there were literally no other options. And I'm not. I won't even bring it as a contingency if you're this bent out of shape about it."

He can feel the lie of the last bit on his tongue as it's said, but he swallows it back down. "I'm going to be fine."

[takecourage]

"I just don't understand why you've got to keep putting yourself in harms way when I'm about three months away from squeezing out your fucking kid," she says, her jaw tight. "You say that every...single...time....and I still end up rescuing your dumb ass."

[more_magic]

"Would you believe I'm doing this for her sake?" says Darlington, looking down at her as she glares up at him, gesturing with his free hand at Alex's belly. A few drops of paint run from the roller in his hand, speckling the toe of his shoe and the denim of his jeans. "If we're going to be a family here, if we're going to raise a child in the city, we should know as much as we possibly can. We should know what to expect if, God forbid, one of us vanishes. If we both do."

It's a concern that's kept him up late, kept him worrying over things he never would have contemplated in New Haven. He doesn't expect to give it voice until it's already out in the air between them.

"You won't need to rescue me this time. Even if you were in any way inclined to, or able."

[takecourage]

"You say that every fucking time," says Alex, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. "I just want us...I want this to be enough for you, Danny. I know it's not, but I want that, anyway."

[more_magic]

Darlington lets out a heavy breath, setting the roller back into the tray and staring at it for a long moment, letting the knife blades of Alex's words sink in. He deserves them, he knows he does, but the accuracy of the argument does nothing to minimize its sting. Slowly, he turns back towards Alex and steps closer, moving to sit on the floor just across from her. He doesn't move to take her hands, not yet, though an ache settles in his chest with wanting to.

"I know," he says. "I know you want that, I know....I know you think that's not enough for me, and right now I can't tell you it is and have you believe me. Possibly I never can. I do want the answers, and I want them for myself, and for you, and for our kid. I've wanted there to be more to the world since I was eleven years old, Alex, and when I found out at seventeen that there was...it unlocked everything. I can't turn away from it."

[takecourage]

A muscle ticks in Alex's jaw for a moment and then she nods, and she reaches out, hooking one of her fingers with one of his. "Okay," she says, softly. "I get it. I don't like it, and I'm not going to pretend that I do, but...I think I get it." She looks up at him, her eyes ink dark. "Just...be safe, okay? If you've going to be an idiot, at least be as safe as you can."

[more_magic]

He nods, taking all that in, smiling faintly when her finger hooks onto his. It's not forgiveness, but there's understanding there. "I'll be safe, Alex. As safe as I can. That much, I can promise you."

[takecourage]

Alex lets out a heavy, laboured sigh and then takes his hand properly, squeezing his fingers. "You're an asshole, and I love you," she says. "Even if you don't know when to leave things alone."

[more_magic]

"You can take the Virgil out of Lethe..." he starts, but knows it's not the time for jokes, even gentle ones. Alex's fingers lace with his, the squeeze she gives them strong and full of all her irritation and affection, that strange commingling that he's come to think of as uniquely hers. "I love you too."

Leaning in, he presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "Back to painting, or do you want to keep talking? I'll...if you want to hear more, I'll tell you. Anything you want to know."

[takecourage]

"Lets paint and talk," says Alex, lifting his hand and pressing a kiss to the backs of his fingers before she takes her hand away and reaches for the brush again. "I presume you've got this all planned out?"

[more_magic]

"Starting to," he says, standing up when Alex turns to pick up her brush again. He loads the roller with fresh paint, going back to the wall he'd been working on before. "Since no one's around, there's nothing to be gained in waiting until dark. It's just a matter of picking the right day. Cam's asked for a map of the place beforehand so she can memorize all the exits and plan escape routes and contingencies, which...I know isn't the worst idea."

[takecourage]

"At least one of you has sense," says Alex, who, after all, is the queen of not really thinking a plan through until it all goes to shit. "Pity you don't have that compact from home. Although, shit. No security to fool."

[more_magic]

"No compact, no coins of compulsion," he says with a shake of his head. Both had been designed by Manuscript, and while he and Alex had each found uses--legitimate or not--for them back home, his distrust for the society still lingered. "Not that I haven't wished they were available, even if they wouldn't be totally necessary for this."

He smiles, fond and just a little impressed, looking over at her. "I still can't believe you used the compact."

[takecourage]

"I don't know what to tell you," says Alex, cradling her bump with her free hand as she leans in closer to the wall. "I'm good at thinking on my feet."