(no subject)

[takecourage]

Mostly, what she does is stare. She holds Edie in her arms and she feeds her or she sleeps and she just...stares at her. Mostly, she's trying to figure out how something so utterly perfect can have come from her. Danny, she can believe it of, but her? What she do to deserve something like this. A few days after Edie is born, Alex lets Danny start texting people, letting them know that they can come and visit, if they want to. She installs herself in the sunroom with Edie wrapped in a blanket in her arms and she rocks, slowly, and she feels, for the first time in her life, like she's something entirely new.

Comments

[more_magic]

"I spent nine months seeing what Alex Stern is like undercaffeinated," he says, grinning. "Not an experience I want to revisit." His hand rubs a gentle circle between her shoulderblades, just for a moment, before he takes it away again. "Bacon and toast, too. Coming right up."

He starts towards the kitchen again, out of the sunroom, but looks back at them after a minute. "I'll bring it in once it's ready."

[takecourage]

"You're the best," she says, and means it, utterly. She sinks easily back into that quiet little bubble that's just her and Edie. She's been shocked, utterly, by how easy it's been to find that quiet. She hums quietly under her breath, something that Estrella used to sing to her. Edie fusses and Alex smiles.

"What, baby?" she says, softly. "What is it?"

[more_magic]

In the kitchen, Darlington sets a pan on the stove to heat and takes the bacon from the fridge, checking on the slow percolating drip of the coffeepot as he puts slices of bread in the toaster and pushes the lever down. As he cooks, he can half-hear Alex in the other room, the murmur of her voice as she talks and hums--and, every so often, Edie piping up in what he knows intellectually isn't response but feels like it nevertheless. A few times, he catches himself pausing to listen for it, those small sounds of contentment coming from either or both of the girls he loves.

Once everything is plated and poured, he sets it all on a tray and carries it back to the sunroom, just in time to hear Alex's quiet, half-amused question. He smiles. "She's more of a fan of that than the Purcell I tried last night. Or this morning, technically."

[takecourage]

"I think she's fussing because you're not around," says Alex, smiling. "She's so used to hearing your voice." She shifts in the chair. "Want to take her while I'm eating?"

[more_magic]

"That could be it," he says, softly, something about the comment striking him more deeply than he'd expected. When Alex shifts, he's already stepping forward, and he nods. "Of course."

Bending, he lifts Edie from Alex's arms, cradling her in his own. She stirs, a little, dark eyes blinking up at him once, twice, before closing again. "You're okay," he says. "I've got you."

[takecourage]

"She knows that," says Alex, almost absently as she reaches for her coffee first, cradling it in her hands. "God, I actually slept for an hour straight last night and I'm still exhausted. This is going to be the rest of my life, isn't it?"

[more_magic]

"Not your whole life," he says, looking up at last, flashing her a quick, lopsided grin. "We'll get a reprieve sometime between her finally sleeping through the night and when she's mobile enough to come running into our room at one a.m. because she had a nightmare."

Darlington walks slowly from the center of the sunroom to the windows and back again, easy and meandering, letting Edie rest in his arms. "And I can take on more of the nighttime feedings and changes. Trying to split it evenly was maybe too ambitious."

[takecourage]

She laughs at that, taking a sip of her coffee and then transferring the plate of breakfest into her lap, watching as he walks to and fro with the baby in his arms. "Since she's okay with taking a bottle, yeah, we could definitely do that."

[more_magic]

Darlington nods, still walking, the planks of the sunroom's wood floor creaking under his feet every so often. He watches Alex eat, watches Edie sleep, looks out at Black Elm's gardens when he gets closer to the window. "It's still hard to believe she's here," he says, shifting Edie in his arms so he can run a fingertip gently over her cheek. "That she's ours."

[takecourage]

"Hard to feel like we fucked up in the face of evidence like this, isn't it?" says Alex before she takes a bite of her toast. "She's beautiful. You make good babies, Daniel."

[more_magic]

"There it is," he mutters, though in the realm of Alex Stern's vulgarity, you make good babies falls almost surprisingly short. He laughs, low and soft. "And she might have my nose, but she's got your eyes."

He turns, looking at her. "We didn't fuck up at all, Stern. Unprepared as we were, this wasn't a mistake."

[takecourage]

"Yeah, you're right," says Alex, who hadn't honestly known how she'd react when Edie was placed into her arms. "We're lucky to be in this position, I guess." She picks up her phone and idly frames a snaps a photo of Danny holding the baby. She's already building a collection. "I don't think I'll ever get bored of watching you with her."

[more_magic]

"We are," he agrees, because they both know it's true. Alex more than him, perhaps, or in a different way--but if this had happened in New Haven, if this had happened when they were both deep within their obligations to Lethe, it would have had another outcome entirely. In Darrow, none of that matters; it still disturbs and frustrates him at times, but now isn't one of them.

Alex snaps the photo, and Darlington smiles. "I was going to say the same thing about you."

[takecourage]

"What do you think your family would have thought of her?" asks Alex. It's a conversation they've had versions of, because it's something that Alex thinks about a lot. She knows what MIra would have been like as a grandmother, but she has different things to go on, when it comes to the Arlingtons.

[more_magic]

"First mistake is assuming I'm telling the Layabouts they've become grandparents," he says, and it's flat and dry, delivered as he looks towards the window and not down at the girl in his arms or the one curled up in the chair in the corner. Darlington lets out a breath, lets it pass, and shakes his head. "Sorry."

He does think about the question more genuinely this time, his already-slow steps slowing further as he resumes his lazy path around the sunroom. "Trying to picture my mother's reaction is easier," he admits. "She'd be overjoyed, but only as cachet. Only because it gives her a chance to...god, buy out half of FAO Schwarz every birthday and send gloating Christmas letters to her friends. She'd love the idea, the same as they both loved the idea of being parents and not the reality."

[takecourage]

"No, I know it's complicated," she says. The only reason that family has ever felt complicated for Alex was because she did it, because she'd so often left Mira with no choice at all. Danny's parents were assholes all on their own.

"Good thing they're not here, then."

[more_magic]

He's quiet at that for a long few moments, a first reaction that surprises him, and doesn't. Agreement feels easier, but he can't manage it; not entirely. "Is it weird I wish they were?" he says at last. "Not because I think they'd be better, not because it's Edie's job to...fix things between us, not that she even could or should. Not that they deserve a second chance."

His jaw tightens, then relaxes. "But I still want to see. To know for sure, or be overwhelmingly surprised."

[takecourage]

"It's a lot to sort through, but it's not weird," she says. She's quiet for a moment, staring down into her coffee. "They're your parents. I think it's...I guess it's the way Mira keeps giving me chances, you know. You live in hope."

[more_magic]

"Yeah," he says, because she isn't wrong. He'd lived in hope for years, a whole childhood of infrequent visits and overheard arguments, then written both his parents off in the anger and grief of his grandfather's death. Now, with Edie here, it feels like a chance--maybe too late, too lost--for something new.

Looking down at Edie, he smiles. "And she slept right through...all of that, probably," he says, going back to where Alex is sitting, bending a little to show her Edie fast asleep in his arms. "Must be nice, to be so easily unconcerned."

[takecourage]

"Guess that's one of the benefits of being brand new, huh?" says Alex, reaching out to stroke the top of Edie's head with her free hand. "You can be really, really chill until the moment you're not."