Timed to the 22nd

[takecourage]

Alex is in a shitty, shitty mood. She has been for days, since the first argument with Darlington but now, after the conversation that they'd had in his apartment, the things that both of them had said, she's just fucking furious. She's not down to work tonight and she just needs to get out of her own head so she picks up her phone and texts Caleb.

want to hang out? xA

While she's waiting for him to respond, she gets in the shower and washes her hair, tries to scald the irritation out of her with hot water.

It's not entirely successful.

Comments

[takecourage]

"You might care," she says. She does her best and she does not think about Hellie and that baseball bat and the way she had and hadn't felt it in her hand. The blood on the counter. The way brain matter dries like cement. She stays curled up against his side. "He kicked me out of his apartment. Just...held the door and waited for me to leave."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Whatever she's thinking about, it's making her feel the same way Caleb had felt when he'd beaten Damien to within an inch of his life. He frowns a little, but doesn't bring it up, because she continues talking about Darlington.

"That's so fucked up," he mumbles. "Did he even bother letting you explain?"

[takecourage]

"He really wasn't interested in anything I had to say," she says, sighing. "I wouldn't care, but I got them back when Kavinsky licked me during a dance."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb isn't sure how he feels about that knowledge. It makes something warm settle in his belly, and he doesn't entirely like the feeling, but he doesn't hate it, either. It makes him uncomfortable, because Alex is his friend, and his brain just... kind of objectified her a little, without his even meaning to.

"Like, on purpose?" he asks, trying to keep his tone measured.

[takecourage]

"It's part of the routine," she says, leaning forward to pick up her tea cup and then settling back into the curve of his side again. "We...simulate a lot of stuff. He's pretty gay so..." She shrugs. "It's all for show."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"So, like, did your ink show up while you were in the middle of... your routine, or whatever?" He's not sure what phrases to use for Alex's job, and he doesn't want to assume, so he sticks to the ones he's heard her say.

[takecourage]

"Yeah. Right there on stage." She grins, sipping her cold tea. "Thankfully, most people in Darrow have seen weirder things than that."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"I've heard stories," he admits with a little laugh. "Very, very grateful not to have to deal with any of that yet. I mean... there was that week I was a girl, but." Shit. He doesn't think he's told her about that yet. It's been such an uncomfortable memory, he's just tried to pretend it hasn't happened. Even if, on Rosie's suggestion, he's kept the clothes in case it happens again.

[takecourage]

Alex's eyes widen at that, and she pulls away from Caleb's side enough to look at him, her dark eyes widening.

"Okay, that's a story I definitely need to hear," she says. "Come on. It'll distract me."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb blushes, and he curls up a little to protect himself from her stare. Not like it helps: no matter how much he curls up, he's still six-foot-something, still football-strong.

"Fuck, no, I shouldn't have said anything, it's so embarrassing!" He's laughing, though, and he peers at her from between his fingers. "I guess it's a thing the city just does? Like, my friend Rosie told me it just happens sometimes."

[takecourage]

She grins when he squirms away from her like that, and she does shift to give him a little bit more room, but, mostly, she stays close.

"So, what? I could just randomly wake up one day with a dick? That'd make work interesting."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"I guess?" he offers uncertainly. "I guess it can never happen, too. But the weirdest part is how this guy at the shop, Tim? He's a local, and he acted like nothing was different. He never says my name anyway, just always calls me 'Kid,' and he didn't seem to think I was ever anything but a girl when he saw me like that." He shrugs. "The next time I went back, I was normal, and he didn't even blink."

[takecourage]

"Maybe they're used to it," she says, leaning back against him. "Were you hot?"

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

He groans and laughs again. "Dude," he argues. "I don't know, I mean, I still looked like me? Just, narrower, and, like, softer. I woke up with tits, and it was the weirdest fucking thing." He shakes his head, then remembers he has pictures, so he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

There are a couple of texts from Clint, making sure that his friend is okay, that he's okay, and fuck. He's way too nice. He responds with a quick reassurance, and the promise that they'll talk later, and then navigates to his photo gallery so he can show Alex.

[takecourage]

Oh, shit...he looks like Hellie. For a moment, the pain is so present, so immediate, that Alex can't really breathe, but then she manages to swallow it back down the way she always does. When she realises that Caleb will probably have been able to feel that, she starts to pull away.

"Shit. Sorry."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Whoa," he says, immediately turning his phone screen off. "What was that? Why did that hurt so much?"

[takecourage]

She's getting used to not being able to hide anything around him. It's sort of freeing, actually - she's lied like breathing for so long that she'd almost forgotten how to tell the whole truth.

"You...girl you...looks like a friend of mine. Hellie. She died."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb frowns a little, watching her, but feeling her feelings more. "You... you loved her," he murmurs. "Fuck, Alex, I'm so sorry."

[takecourage]

Alex turns that over in her head for a minute. Loved her. In love with her. She's never quite been able to figure it out. She just remembers the feeling of Hellie being there, being so fucking...present. And then utterly gone. She hopes she's happy, on the other side of the veil. She at least hopes that Len and those other assholes are nowhere near her.

"Yeah," she says, still pulled away from him a little. "It was...Shitty." Well done, Stern, she hears and, somehow, it's in Darlington's voice. "Something of an understatement, isn't it?

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb nods. He can feel that wry little twinge after she speaks, and offers a wan smile.

"Some... some feelings don't have the right words," he notes. "So we do the best we can with the words we do have. 'Shitty' is... 'shitty' works."

He lifts his arm, offering her that little space against his side again, if she wants it. Neither of them have finished their tea, but at this point, it's more about being close to another person, sharing space and feeling calmer for it, even if there are other feelings swirling around like leaves on a breeze.

[takecourage]

After a moment's hesitation, Alex leans back in against his side again. Back in California, Alex would never have known how to accept physical comfort like this from anyone except Hellie. Until she'd met Darlington, until Darrow, really, nobody with a dick had ever treated her kindly. It's taking some getting used to. She sighs.

"I think I liked it better when I was telling you about how much of an asshole Darlington is being," she says. "Or at least when we were talking about your tits." That makes her laugh, just a hiccup, really, but it's something.

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Yeah, well, my tits are off limits, no matter what size they are," he chides. "But... I can tell you about how weird it was to try on a bra, and how I have a totally new appreciation for the things girls have to go through just to get dressed for the day." He is never again going to tease Alice about how long it takes her to get ready in the morning.

[takecourage]

"You're no fun," says Alex, but she's definitely still smiling. "Bras are weird, right? I have like, one that i actually like wearing. And don't get me started on the asshole who designs panties."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"It was super uncomfortable," he admits. "So, if that ever happens again, I'm definitely gonna bug you about it." He's blushing again, mostly at the concept of talking to Alex about bras and panties.

"I hope it doesn't, though," he admits. "I felt totally haywire the whole time. My ability, I mean."

[takecourage]

"Yeah?" asks Alex, pathetically grateful for the distraction in that moment. "How did it affect it?"