Timed to the 22nd

[takecourage]

Alex is in a shitty, shitty mood. She has been for days, since the first argument with Darlington but now, after the conversation that they'd had in his apartment, the things that both of them had said, she's just fucking furious. She's not down to work tonight and she just needs to get out of her own head so she picks up her phone and texts Caleb.

want to hang out? xA

While she's waiting for him to respond, she gets in the shower and washes her hair, tries to scald the irritation out of her with hot water.

It's not entirely successful.

Comments

[takecourage]

"Because he's ashamed?" She says, rolling her shoulder in a shrug. "Because he's jealous? Because he really does think I'm a whore?"

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Did he say that?" Caleb asks, voice darkening. "Did he fucking call you—" His free hand balls into a fist, like he could punch Darlington right now if he saw him. Alex is his friend, and Caleb's learned recently that there's a lot he'll do for a friend. If someone, even someone she cares about, is degrading her over a fucking job, he'll fucking murder them.

[takecourage]

"He didn't actually use the word," says Alex, watching her friend's reaction with quiet, dark eyes. She tries to physically calm herself so that Caleb will feel that she's okay. "But if was pretty clear what he thought of me."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"What the fuck," he mumbles. He shakes his head. "Dude, Alex, that's not okay. What the fuck?" He doesn't know what else to say. He doesn't know how to make this okay, because it's not. He drinks his tea, cold now from being forgotten about this entire time. It does little to calm him.

"Fuck," he breathes, like he could just breathe the feelings out.

[takecourage]

"Hey," says Alex, leaning to put her cup down and then shuffling along the sofa so that she can sit closer to him, butting her shoulder against his. "Hey, I'm okay, okay? I've definitely been called worse."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"You shouldn't have to be," he snaps, then takes a breath and feels his shoulders sag. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm not, I'm not trying to take it out on you."

[takecourage]

"I know you're not," says Alex, staying tucked in against his side. "It's got to suck. I'm sorry. I should have fucking thought before I asked you over."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"No, no," he insists. "I'm glad you did. Nobody should fucking talk to you like that." He doesn't think much about her tucking against his side, and he doesn't think much about the way his arm wraps around her shoulders, protective, but also sort of needing that contact, too.

[takecourage]

It's the kind of touch that Alex hasn't had a whole lot of in her life. She had it with Hellie. She was getting there with Mercy. She'd had it in Darrow with Darlington before they blew it all apart. She closes her eyes and sinks into him for a moment.

"He was angry," she says. "He didn't mean it. He's not the kind of boy who means things like that. Even about girls like me."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"What, girls like you, who're super cool and get into Yale?" he asks. "Or girls like you, who're wicked pretty and have tons of cool tattoos and look like they don't take anyone's shit?" His arm tightens a little, because he doesn't want her to think or feel badly about herself. She deserves better than that.

[takecourage]

"If you keep being that sweet I'm going to spontaneously develop diabetes or something," she says, but she's smiling when she says it and, when his arm tightens, she doesn't pull away. "I'm not that good a girl, Caleb. I've done...I was going to try to be someone new in Yale. I'm trying to be someone new in Darrow."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"I don't care what you did," he says with a shrug. "I can feel your feelings, remember? It's... I know a lot about people, now. It's really easy to like or not like someone the first time I meet them. I don't have a reason not to like you."

Her feelings aren't slimy, or prickly. They don't make him feel like he's chewing on Styrofoam. They don't make his stomach feel heavy or dirty. She's not a bad person.

[takecourage]

"You might care," she says. She does her best and she does not think about Hellie and that baseball bat and the way she had and hadn't felt it in her hand. The blood on the counter. The way brain matter dries like cement. She stays curled up against his side. "He kicked me out of his apartment. Just...held the door and waited for me to leave."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Whatever she's thinking about, it's making her feel the same way Caleb had felt when he'd beaten Damien to within an inch of his life. He frowns a little, but doesn't bring it up, because she continues talking about Darlington.

"That's so fucked up," he mumbles. "Did he even bother letting you explain?"

[takecourage]

"He really wasn't interested in anything I had to say," she says, sighing. "I wouldn't care, but I got them back when Kavinsky licked me during a dance."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb isn't sure how he feels about that knowledge. It makes something warm settle in his belly, and he doesn't entirely like the feeling, but he doesn't hate it, either. It makes him uncomfortable, because Alex is his friend, and his brain just... kind of objectified her a little, without his even meaning to.

"Like, on purpose?" he asks, trying to keep his tone measured.

[takecourage]

"It's part of the routine," she says, leaning forward to pick up her tea cup and then settling back into the curve of his side again. "We...simulate a lot of stuff. He's pretty gay so..." She shrugs. "It's all for show."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"So, like, did your ink show up while you were in the middle of... your routine, or whatever?" He's not sure what phrases to use for Alex's job, and he doesn't want to assume, so he sticks to the ones he's heard her say.

[takecourage]

"Yeah. Right there on stage." She grins, sipping her cold tea. "Thankfully, most people in Darrow have seen weirder things than that."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"I've heard stories," he admits with a little laugh. "Very, very grateful not to have to deal with any of that yet. I mean... there was that week I was a girl, but." Shit. He doesn't think he's told her about that yet. It's been such an uncomfortable memory, he's just tried to pretend it hasn't happened. Even if, on Rosie's suggestion, he's kept the clothes in case it happens again.

[takecourage]

Alex's eyes widen at that, and she pulls away from Caleb's side enough to look at him, her dark eyes widening.

"Okay, that's a story I definitely need to hear," she says. "Come on. It'll distract me."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb blushes, and he curls up a little to protect himself from her stare. Not like it helps: no matter how much he curls up, he's still six-foot-something, still football-strong.

"Fuck, no, I shouldn't have said anything, it's so embarrassing!" He's laughing, though, and he peers at her from between his fingers. "I guess it's a thing the city just does? Like, my friend Rosie told me it just happens sometimes."

[takecourage]

She grins when he squirms away from her like that, and she does shift to give him a little bit more room, but, mostly, she stays close.

"So, what? I could just randomly wake up one day with a dick? That'd make work interesting."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"I guess?" he offers uncertainly. "I guess it can never happen, too. But the weirdest part is how this guy at the shop, Tim? He's a local, and he acted like nothing was different. He never says my name anyway, just always calls me 'Kid,' and he didn't seem to think I was ever anything but a girl when he saw me like that." He shrugs. "The next time I went back, I was normal, and he didn't even blink."

[takecourage]

"Maybe they're used to it," she says, leaning back against him. "Were you hot?"