Timed to the 22nd

[takecourage]

Alex is in a shitty, shitty mood. She has been for days, since the first argument with Darlington but now, after the conversation that they'd had in his apartment, the things that both of them had said, she's just fucking furious. She's not down to work tonight and she just needs to get out of her own head so she picks up her phone and texts Caleb.

want to hang out? xA

While she's waiting for him to respond, she gets in the shower and washes her hair, tries to scald the irritation out of her with hot water.

It's not entirely successful.

Comments

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Whoa," he says, immediately turning his phone screen off. "What was that? Why did that hurt so much?"

[takecourage]

She's getting used to not being able to hide anything around him. It's sort of freeing, actually - she's lied like breathing for so long that she'd almost forgotten how to tell the whole truth.

"You...girl you...looks like a friend of mine. Hellie. She died."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb frowns a little, watching her, but feeling her feelings more. "You... you loved her," he murmurs. "Fuck, Alex, I'm so sorry."

[takecourage]

Alex turns that over in her head for a minute. Loved her. In love with her. She's never quite been able to figure it out. She just remembers the feeling of Hellie being there, being so fucking...present. And then utterly gone. She hopes she's happy, on the other side of the veil. She at least hopes that Len and those other assholes are nowhere near her.

"Yeah," she says, still pulled away from him a little. "It was...Shitty." Well done, Stern, she hears and, somehow, it's in Darlington's voice. "Something of an understatement, isn't it?

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb nods. He can feel that wry little twinge after she speaks, and offers a wan smile.

"Some... some feelings don't have the right words," he notes. "So we do the best we can with the words we do have. 'Shitty' is... 'shitty' works."

He lifts his arm, offering her that little space against his side again, if she wants it. Neither of them have finished their tea, but at this point, it's more about being close to another person, sharing space and feeling calmer for it, even if there are other feelings swirling around like leaves on a breeze.

[takecourage]

After a moment's hesitation, Alex leans back in against his side again. Back in California, Alex would never have known how to accept physical comfort like this from anyone except Hellie. Until she'd met Darlington, until Darrow, really, nobody with a dick had ever treated her kindly. It's taking some getting used to. She sighs.

"I think I liked it better when I was telling you about how much of an asshole Darlington is being," she says. "Or at least when we were talking about your tits." That makes her laugh, just a hiccup, really, but it's something.

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Yeah, well, my tits are off limits, no matter what size they are," he chides. "But... I can tell you about how weird it was to try on a bra, and how I have a totally new appreciation for the things girls have to go through just to get dressed for the day." He is never again going to tease Alice about how long it takes her to get ready in the morning.

[takecourage]

"You're no fun," says Alex, but she's definitely still smiling. "Bras are weird, right? I have like, one that i actually like wearing. And don't get me started on the asshole who designs panties."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"It was super uncomfortable," he admits. "So, if that ever happens again, I'm definitely gonna bug you about it." He's blushing again, mostly at the concept of talking to Alex about bras and panties.

"I hope it doesn't, though," he admits. "I felt totally haywire the whole time. My ability, I mean."

[takecourage]

"Yeah?" asks Alex, pathetically grateful for the distraction in that moment. "How did it affect it?"

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"It was like... Too big? Like, okay, so." He adjusts them a little, like he's settling in to really tell a story and they both need to be comfortable. "I'm a big dude, right? Well, as a girl, I'm still really tall, but not this tall. And I had, like, a fucking fraction of the muscle mass. So my whole body was just smaller. And it's like my ability didn't also shrink to fit the new body. It was still meant for this body."

He has no idea if he's making sense, at all, but now that he's talking about it, he's finding it difficult to stop.

"And, like, all of the emotion that poured in from other people made me feel like a, like a fucking balloon with too much air, y'know? I felt like I was going to burst apart from it all."

[takecourage]

"No, that makes sense," says Alex, shifting a little to accommodate the way he moves, the way he moves her and, yeah, maybe there's a little electrical flicker in the base of her belly when she realises how strong he actually is. "Like you're...a vessel for the feelings. I feel like that sometimes."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb looks at her when he feels that, but she powers through it, ignores it, so he decides to, too.

"Yeah, exactly," he says. "And sometimes, it hurts. Not, like, a literal pain, but close."

[takecourage]

He doesn't comment so Alex thinks that, maybe, she got away with it. Maybe there was too much else going on.

"Yeah," she says. "I definitely get that. I was attacked, back home. By a Gluma. Sort of like a...weaponised gray? The deathwords didn't work."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

The relief she feels at his non-reaction is enough to tell Caleb he made the right move. He's tempted to give her a look — one of his 'I totally felt that and I'm letting you get away with it this once' look — but he opts not to, especially when she starts talking about her ability.

"What's, what's a death word?" he asks, frowning.

[takecourage]

"So it's language that you use to remind grays that they're dead, which they hate," she says. "So it can really be anything. Poetry. Song lyrics. Take courage - no-one lives forever."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Okay, it sounds way less creepy when you just say that, instead of calling it a death word," he says, poking her in the shoulder. "But... It wasn't working on this... Groom... Thing?"

[takecourage]

She grins when he pokes her, nudging him back with her knuckles against his chest.

"Gluma. And no. They don't respond the way other Grays do. They're compelled."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Like, something's controlling them?" he asks. He knows what the word 'compel' means, but it feels different in this context.

[takecourage]

"Like someone's sent them," she says, and a shudder runs through her. "I honestly thought I was going to die."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

He tightens his arm around her protectively. "Someone sent them? Like, on purpose?" He thinks about Chloe, accidentally reading minds left and right because she can't turn it off, and Sam, time-traveling against her will. Could this be the same?

[takecourage]

"Yeah," says Alex, automatically leaning into him when he says pulls her closer. "And whoever it was definitely wanted me dead."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"What the fuck," he says eloquently. "Who was it? Do you know?"

[takecourage]

"Probably the same person who handed me my ass right before I got here," she says. She pushes forward. "I'm having one of those beers. Sure you don't want one? Eighteen's legal here and you're about five minutes from that, right?"

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Uh, no," he says, and he lets his arm slide off from her shoulders, but he tenses a little. "I can't drink. My ability, it gets way worse if I try to drink. Or if I'm around people who are drinking..." He doesn't want to ask her not to. It's her apartment, and if she needs it to unwind, then, fine. But he won't be able to stick around long. "I get drunk, even when I'm not the one drinking."